Where I Belong by AngelChase

Summary: Inspired in the Cordy comes back challenge. This would be the ending scene of the upcoming Forgiving episode in my own Angelverse.

Spoilers: Forgiving, Season Three.

Notes: Cordy's POV.

The air at the Hyperion was dense. The place had been shut for over a week. No one was around. I had phoned constantly for the past two days and I got no answer. Finally I reached Wesley's cell phone. That's how I found out.

The guy was in the hospital. Connor was gone, and it had been Wesley's fault. Angel was raging. Wesley was on the edge. He would have killed himself if he had had the strength to do it. Instead he was tied to all sort of machines and strongly sedated. I talked him into not doing anything stupid. I would check on him later. I had to see Angel first.

I'm back to my old self. Lost everything I earned in my own way to redemption. I've been gone for two weeks and the picture I get when I come home is my worst nightmare. All my loved ones are hurt. And in the meantime, where was I? Sunbathing, having sex and having fun with a guy who worships the floor I set foot on, completely manageable. The easy way out.

I keep picturing it over and over. Angel devastated over losing Connor. Why didn't I get a vision? Am I not supposed to help him? Why nobody said anything to me? No, no one is to blame. No one but me. No phone calls, no contact with the people who are a reminder that I am not normal when I was in the middle of my very much normal holidays.

But I'm not normal, and I chose not to be, because being with Angel and the fang gang is where I belong. And I betrayed them and left them alone during their greatest battle. The battle that cost us Connor. The sweet baby that gave Angel more purpose than the concept of shanshu itself. The baby that brought out so much love in all of us. A tiny helpless life that counted on me, and which I betrayed too. I wouldn't blame Angel if he cut me out this time. This time I deserve it.

But despite of all my fears, I had to see him. This was no longer about me. He'd probably be filled with anger - I thought of that as a warning to myself as I went upstairs. But I knew, that most of all, he'd be in pain. I knocked on his door. "Angel, are you there?". Silence. It wasn't locked, so I entered quietly. He is lying in bed. Not a single light on and all I can see is what the misty light entering through the door allows me to. "Angel?" "Cordy?", he whispers. I step closer. I sit next to him on the bed and I run a hand along his back. He's cold. Colder than he's ever been. "Angel, I'm so sorry". "He's gone", is all he can say. He murmurs the same fraise over and over. He looks weak. Almost insane. I guess he has not even fed in a while. "Angel, I'm here now. I'll help you find him, but I need you to be alright first", I beg him, as I friction my hands along his arms and back to make him warm him up. "Cordy", he says, turning around and raising a hand to touch my face. "I missed you."

End.

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