Time by Siren

Spoilers: Rain Of Fire, Season Four.

Notes: This is my first attempt at writing any sort of Angel fan fiction, so please be kind. Hope it doesn't suck.

Do I hate her? I watch them together--my son and the woman I love. Well, loved. I remember how I felt when I saw them together, the night it rained fire. I was hurt...more than I'd ever been. More hurt than when Buffy rammed the sword through me and sent me to hell.

This hurt worse. The one person I trusted in the world...and my child. I hate. But who...part of me loves them both, still. Part of me wants them to be in the Hyperion, where I can keep an eye on them. Part of me wants to toss them out on their asses, and let them fend for themselves.

I don't know what I want.

So, as I see them hug, watching with some sort of emotion boiling inside of me, I wonder what I am going to do.

I've never felt like this before.

So naturally, the only thing that comes to mind when Cordelia wants to talk is to tell her to get out. I'm glad Connor is alive, but I don't want them here. Not now. I couldn't handle it.

Cordelia stares at me, hurt. Like she can't believe I would do that to her. I feel that strange emotion bubble inside of me again.

"Now take your new boyfriend and get the hell out." I snarl, watching her reaction--the shock, the surprise on her face.

Good. Let her feel like I did. Let her feel like a stake was rammed into her heart, her soul. Let her hurt.

I walk away from her.

I realize that I still love her as I walk up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door violently behind me. I still love Connor.

But I have to have time right now. Time to heal. Time to be able to think. I tense and sit down in a chair.

I had all the time in the world.

End.

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