The Lucky Ones by Lara
Summary: A different spin on the 'Cordy returns' scene. What if Angel was on the roof and more 'drunk' than he realized?
Spoilers: Up to Double Or Nothing, Season Three.
Notes: Angsty. Lyric and title is from Bif Naked's song. Same title. Enjoy!!
//What
could I say to you, except I love you...//
The vampire stared at
the view of Los Angeles. The city was so bright, despite the
darkness that covered it. So much black, yet so much light. He
wondered for a second how that was possible. An oxymoron, he guessed.
Fred taught him something new everyday. A slight wind blew past
him, the humid air absorbing with his cold skin. Everything was
cold now.
He thoughts always
came back to the same thing. Connor. He had felt so lucky. So cocky.
And his son was taken just like that. Stripped from him. He had lost
the one thing in his life that he desired. His son. He saw his child
taken away, without hesitation.
The vampire shouldn't
have been so shocked. He should've been used to it. He always brought
it on himself. His mortality. He gave it away, no struggle. Buffy. He
walked away, without a fight. Cordelia. He gave her away, without
a fight. Never tried to stop her. Connor. He let him go. Didn't
fight until the end. There was no point. There was never a point.
Angel shifted slightly
at the ledge, letting his legs swing over the edge. He was so far
up, the people below him were like ants. All busy. All alone. Like
him. He suddenly looked up, hearing the raised door open. The creak,
like a dying mouse. The vampire could smell her even before she
reached him. He knew her smell. He felt her hand on his shoulder, but he
never turned.
"Angel..."
Cordelia Chase whispered, her voice thick with tears and grief. "I'm so,
so sorry..." Her arm drifted around his shoulders, her body pressed
against his back.
Angel closed his eyes
and lowered his head, so close to breaking down at her touch. It was
real. Now he knew it was real. He had actually fooled himself into
thinking it was all a horrible dream. As long as Cordelia didn't find
out, it could be fixed. But her voice- her open, rare emotion, told him
the truth. Connor was gone. And it was his fault. He failed
Connor. He failed Cordelia. And he failed himself.
He felt her breathe.
Then she spoke again. "I'm here. Just in case...you know that,
right?"
The vampire looked up
for the first time, his eyes locked on Cordelia's. She didn't look like she had been
crying. She had pulled herself together quite nicely. He managed to take
her in. New hair. Nice tan. Lucky girl, must've been a good
vacation. But none of it mattered. She was back. She was home. "I let
them take him." He mumbled.
Cordelia's face grew
pale. "I-I know...Wes-" The change in Angel's eyes stopped her cold.
Nothing but hate. Pure hate. She had never seen that in his eyes
before. "I'm sorry." She whispered.
Angel slid off the
ledge, his feet touching the concrete on the roof. He stood up slowly, as
if the movement hurt him. "I wanted to die." He murmured. He could
smell dawn. It was so close. "End it all." He suddenly turned
around, jumping back on the ledge. "I wanted to wait for the sun...just
finish it...you can't imagine."
The Seer quickly
gripped the sleeve of Angel's shirt, trying to yank him down.
"A-Angel- come on, get down." Before she could react, Angel had grabbed her wrist
and yanked her up with him. She gasped and immediately gripped
Angel's arm. He could hear her heartbeat quickening. She was
scared. Her grip tightened on his arm. "A-Angel- please-"
"It's so
easy..." He stepped forward, letting his toes peak out over the edge.
"Maybe...I could-"
"Angel- no-"
"I'm so- it's
over...what do I have to fight for now..."
"Me! You have me!
Angel, please..." She was getting desperate. Her body shook with a fear
Angel had never seen before. She didn't want to die. She didn't
want to be like him.
After several seconds
of obvious debate, Angel wrapped his arm protectively around
Cordelia and stepped off the ledge, guiding her down. He backed away
from the edge, as if he would change his mind. "How...How
was your trip? Groo okay?" Jealousy wasn't an issue now. It didn't matter.
Cordelia looked at
Angel hard, trying to figure out where that question came from.
His eyes were covered with a void, a hole. He apparently was trying
to fill it with something. Anything. "It...it doesn't matter."
A look of frustration
came over Angel's face. "N-No...tell me- you have to- I need to
know I didn't let you go for nothing- please, Cordelia-
please..." His voice cracked with each syllable. Wordlessly, Cordelia
walked over to the vampire and hugged him. Slowly, he hugged her
back, letting his head rest on hers. His hands could've rested on her
neck instead of her waist. He could've squeezed the life out
of her if he wanted it. To end her suffering along with his. Put
out the light, and then put out the light...
"It's okay,
Angel...it's okay...let it go..." She whispered in some morose mantra. She
rubbed the back of his hair, noticing the softness of it for the first
time. The gel was gone. The leather jacket was gone. All that was
left was this broken man. All alone. But not anymore.
"Cordy..."
Angel pulled his head away, turning to face her.
"Angel?" She
looked up at him.
"Help me."
He whispered, his head dropping slowly. "Please, help me..." The man's
lips touched the Seer's, ever so gently. She pulled away quickly, staring
at Angel with questioning eyes. Angel shook his head, as if he already
knew what she was thinking, and kissed her again, harder this
time. He pulled her closer to him, her body pressed against his.
Cordelia stood frozen,
not knowing what to do. Finally, she kissed him back, pushing her
mouth onto his. Angel's hand drifted from her waist, up her back. He
started walking. The back of Cordelia's legs hit the edge of the
roof, and she dropped into a sitting position. Angel kept on, pushing
himself on her. Cordelia's hand shot out and gripped the edge,
keeping herself from toppling backwards. The vampire got the same
idea, and held onto her back tightly. He picked her off the edge to a
standing position again, his kisses becoming more deeper and
intense. His hands moved to her pants, opening them. Cordelia pulled away
again. Angel swallowed hard, then lunged at her again, his mouth
traveling down to her neck. He managed to pull down her pants, feeling the
silk panties she wore under them.
The girl's breathing
quickened, and he could smell her sudden arousal, mixed with
his own. He almost dragged her to the ledge, letting her fall
facedown onto the concrete. Her hand moved up, trying to feel him, to
touch him. Angel continued to kiss her neck, quickly unzipping his
own pants. He pushed her panties aside and entered her roughly.
She gasped at the impact, gripping the edge of the building. Her eyes
shot open and she gasped again. She was looking straight down
at Los Angeles. If she was pushed anymore she would fall. Straight
down. She would die. The Seer's worries were quickly pushed to the
side by Angel's hard thrusts. He pushed into her desperately, his
face buried in her neck. His strong hands gripped her waist,
holding her body against him. Cordelia exhaled slowly, an unwanted
pleasure overcoming her. This was wrong. They shouldn't be doing
this. Not now.
Angel heard a moan
building up in Cordelia, it was so loud in his ears. "Let it
go..." He groaned. "It's okay..." She groaned loudly, her cry almost unheard
in the night. He pushed harder, wanting to feel something.
Anything. Anything but the grief. The suffering. The hate. The sadness.
Cordelia's hand moved to grip Angel's shirt. He moved faster, wanting
to get the ultimate feeling. The one true emotion and reaction
he knew. He moaned in pleasure and what could have been pain.
Cordelia felt herself slip slightly. She was further off the edge, Angel's
body keeping her safe. He held onto her with his soul, he was never
going to let her go. And she wanted to die.
Cordelia pushed her
mouth onto his, feeling his tongue drift into her mouth. She accepted
it, and gave it all back. One hand held onto the edge, the other held
onto him. Angel's hand moved under her white blouse, feeling her
cold skin. She was so cold. But so was he.
He loved her. And he
took her. Because she let him. His thrusts increased, getting
several cries from her. They moved in unison, their 'dance' an
unfamiliar one. But they knew exactly what to do. There was no attempt
at wanton pleasure. No feeling for other pleasure zones. No
teasing. This was pure and open desperation.
Angel felt himself
come close to the edge, his grip tightening on his Seer. She kept kissing
him, her own thrusts becoming harder. Her grip switched from his
shirt to his hair, and her moans fell into his mouth. He took them
within his own, looking for a release. Cordelia cried out as her body
fully gave in to it all. Her orgasm crashed into Angel, and he
came right then.
They remained silent
for a while after that. Seconds. Minutes. It didn't matter. Not to
them. Angel pulled out of her, quickly zipping his pants. Cordelia
pulled her own pants up, slowly standing. She turned to face him,
openly shaking. "I- you could've dropped me..."
"Never." He
responded, looking down. "You were scared." It wasn't a question. She nodded.
"Never." He reassured her, backing away.
Cordelia followed him,
touching his arm. "I won't- we won't- Angel-"
Suddenly, Angel
grabbed her face gently. He kissed her forehead. "Go back to Groo." He
said simply. He had to let her go. Again. Cordelia opened her mouth in
protest. Angel shook his head. "I'll...I'll be fine. I'm sorry for
doing that..." He looked past her shoulder. The sun was rising. He
closed his eyes.
Cordelia noticed too.
She grabbed Angel's hand and dragged him to the door, pulling him
inside. He only resisted slightly, allowing her to pull him in. As soon
as she shut the door, he pulled his hand away. "Okay. I-
you-" He sighed. "Go back to Groo..." He started to walk away.
"Angel!"
Cordelia called after him. He ignored her. Cordelia opened her mouth to call him
again, but decided against it. She knew where he was going. To that
dark room. To grieve. The Seer slid to the floor, pulling her
legs to her chest. She started to cry.
End.
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