The Lucky Ones by Lara
Summary: A different spin on the 'Cordy returns' scene. What if Angel was on the roof and more 'drunk' than he realized?
Spoilers: Up to Double Or Nothing, Season Three.
Notes: Angsty. Lyric and title is from Bif Naked's song. Same title. Enjoy!!
could I say to you, except I love you...//
The vampire stared at the view of Los Angeles. The city was so bright, despite the darkness that covered it. So much black, yet so much light. He wondered for a second how that was possible. An oxymoron, he guessed. Fred taught him something new everyday. A slight wind blew past him, the humid air absorbing with his cold skin. Everything was cold now.
He thoughts always came back to the same thing. Connor. He had felt so lucky. So cocky. And his son was taken just like that. Stripped from him. He had lost the one thing in his life that he desired. His son. He saw his child taken away, without hesitation.
The vampire shouldn't have been so shocked. He should've been used to it. He always brought it on himself. His mortality. He gave it away, no struggle. Buffy. He walked away, without a fight. Cordelia. He gave her away, without a fight. Never tried to stop her. Connor. He let him go. Didn't fight until the end. There was no point. There was never a point.
Angel shifted slightly at the ledge, letting his legs swing over the edge. He was so far up, the people below him were like ants. All busy. All alone. Like him. He suddenly looked up, hearing the raised door open. The creak, like a dying mouse. The vampire could smell her even before she reached him. He knew her smell. He felt her hand on his shoulder, but he never turned.
"Angel..." Cordelia Chase whispered, her voice thick with tears and grief. "I'm so, so sorry..." Her arm drifted around his shoulders, her body pressed against his back.
Angel closed his eyes and lowered his head, so close to breaking down at her touch. It was real. Now he knew it was real. He had actually fooled himself into thinking it was all a horrible dream. As long as Cordelia didn't find out, it could be fixed. But her voice- her open, rare emotion, told him the truth. Connor was gone. And it was his fault. He failed Connor. He failed Cordelia. And he failed himself.
He felt her breathe. Then she spoke again. "I'm here. Just in case...you know that, right?"
The vampire looked up for the first time, his eyes locked on Cordelia's. She didn't look like she had been crying. She had pulled herself together quite nicely. He managed to take her in. New hair. Nice tan. Lucky girl, must've been a good vacation. But none of it mattered. She was back. She was home. "I let them take him." He mumbled.
Cordelia's face grew pale. "I-I know...Wes-" The change in Angel's eyes stopped her cold. Nothing but hate. Pure hate. She had never seen that in his eyes before. "I'm sorry." She whispered.
Angel slid off the ledge, his feet touching the concrete on the roof. He stood up slowly, as if the movement hurt him. "I wanted to die." He murmured. He could smell dawn. It was so close. "End it all." He suddenly turned around, jumping back on the ledge. "I wanted to wait for the sun...just finish it...you can't imagine."
The Seer quickly gripped the sleeve of Angel's shirt, trying to yank him down. "A-Angel- come on, get down." Before she could react, Angel had grabbed her wrist and yanked her up with him. She gasped and immediately gripped Angel's arm. He could hear her heartbeat quickening. She was scared. Her grip tightened on his arm. "A-Angel- please-"
"It's so easy..." He stepped forward, letting his toes peak out over the edge. "Maybe...I could-"
"I'm so- it's over...what do I have to fight for now..."
"Me! You have me! Angel, please..." She was getting desperate. Her body shook with a fear Angel had never seen before. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to be like him.
After several seconds of obvious debate, Angel wrapped his arm protectively around Cordelia and stepped off the ledge, guiding her down. He backed away from the edge, as if he would change his mind. "How...How was your trip? Groo okay?" Jealousy wasn't an issue now. It didn't matter.
Cordelia looked at Angel hard, trying to figure out where that question came from. His eyes were covered with a void, a hole. He apparently was trying to fill it with something. Anything. "It...it doesn't matter."
A look of frustration came over Angel's face. "N-No...tell me- you have to- I need to know I didn't let you go for nothing- please, Cordelia- please..." His voice cracked with each syllable. Wordlessly, Cordelia walked over to the vampire and hugged him. Slowly, he hugged her back, letting his head rest on hers. His hands could've rested on her neck instead of her waist. He could've squeezed the life out of her if he wanted it. To end her suffering along with his. Put out the light, and then put out the light...
"It's okay, Angel...it's okay...let it go..." She whispered in some morose mantra. She rubbed the back of his hair, noticing the softness of it for the first time. The gel was gone. The leather jacket was gone. All that was left was this broken man. All alone. But not anymore.
"Cordy..." Angel pulled his head away, turning to face her.
"Angel?" She looked up at him.
"Help me." He whispered, his head dropping slowly. "Please, help me..." The man's lips touched the Seer's, ever so gently. She pulled away quickly, staring at Angel with questioning eyes. Angel shook his head, as if he already knew what she was thinking, and kissed her again, harder this time. He pulled her closer to him, her body pressed against his.
Cordelia stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Finally, she kissed him back, pushing her mouth onto his. Angel's hand drifted from her waist, up her back. He started walking. The back of Cordelia's legs hit the edge of the roof, and she dropped into a sitting position. Angel kept on, pushing himself on her. Cordelia's hand shot out and gripped the edge, keeping herself from toppling backwards. The vampire got the same idea, and held onto her back tightly. He picked her off the edge to a standing position again, his kisses becoming more deeper and intense. His hands moved to her pants, opening them. Cordelia pulled away again. Angel swallowed hard, then lunged at her again, his mouth traveling down to her neck. He managed to pull down her pants, feeling the silk panties she wore under them.
The girl's breathing quickened, and he could smell her sudden arousal, mixed with his own. He almost dragged her to the ledge, letting her fall facedown onto the concrete. Her hand moved up, trying to feel him, to touch him. Angel continued to kiss her neck, quickly unzipping his own pants. He pushed her panties aside and entered her roughly. She gasped at the impact, gripping the edge of the building. Her eyes shot open and she gasped again. She was looking straight down at Los Angeles. If she was pushed anymore she would fall. Straight down. She would die. The Seer's worries were quickly pushed to the side by Angel's hard thrusts. He pushed into her desperately, his face buried in her neck. His strong hands gripped her waist, holding her body against him. Cordelia exhaled slowly, an unwanted pleasure overcoming her. This was wrong. They shouldn't be doing this. Not now.
Angel heard a moan building up in Cordelia, it was so loud in his ears. "Let it go..." He groaned. "It's okay..." She groaned loudly, her cry almost unheard in the night. He pushed harder, wanting to feel something. Anything. Anything but the grief. The suffering. The hate. The sadness. Cordelia's hand moved to grip Angel's shirt. He moved faster, wanting to get the ultimate feeling. The one true emotion and reaction he knew. He moaned in pleasure and what could have been pain. Cordelia felt herself slip slightly. She was further off the edge, Angel's body keeping her safe. He held onto her with his soul, he was never going to let her go. And she wanted to die.
Cordelia pushed her mouth onto his, feeling his tongue drift into her mouth. She accepted it, and gave it all back. One hand held onto the edge, the other held onto him. Angel's hand moved under her white blouse, feeling her cold skin. She was so cold. But so was he.
He loved her. And he took her. Because she let him. His thrusts increased, getting several cries from her. They moved in unison, their 'dance' an unfamiliar one. But they knew exactly what to do. There was no attempt at wanton pleasure. No feeling for other pleasure zones. No teasing. This was pure and open desperation.
Angel felt himself come close to the edge, his grip tightening on his Seer. She kept kissing him, her own thrusts becoming harder. Her grip switched from his shirt to his hair, and her moans fell into his mouth. He took them within his own, looking for a release. Cordelia cried out as her body fully gave in to it all. Her orgasm crashed into Angel, and he came right then.
They remained silent for a while after that. Seconds. Minutes. It didn't matter. Not to them. Angel pulled out of her, quickly zipping his pants. Cordelia pulled her own pants up, slowly standing. She turned to face him, openly shaking. "I- you could've dropped me..."
"Never." He responded, looking down. "You were scared." It wasn't a question. She nodded. "Never." He reassured her, backing away.
Cordelia followed him, touching his arm. "I won't- we won't- Angel-"
Suddenly, Angel grabbed her face gently. He kissed her forehead. "Go back to Groo." He said simply. He had to let her go. Again. Cordelia opened her mouth in protest. Angel shook his head. "I'll...I'll be fine. I'm sorry for doing that..." He looked past her shoulder. The sun was rising. He closed his eyes.
Cordelia noticed too. She grabbed Angel's hand and dragged him to the door, pulling him inside. He only resisted slightly, allowing her to pull him in. As soon as she shut the door, he pulled his hand away. "Okay. I- you-" He sighed. "Go back to Groo..." He started to walk away.
"Angel!" Cordelia called after him. He ignored her. Cordelia opened her mouth to call him again, but decided against it. She knew where he was going. To that dark room. To grieve. The Seer slid to the floor, pulling her legs to her chest. She started to cry.