Testing by carmen_sandiego

Summary: "For five days she’d had this in the back of her mind – well, sometimes not just in the back of her mind – and finally she couldn’t stand waiting any longer. She needed to know something, before she could actually do anything." Set a few years in the future. 
 

Spoilers: None specific.

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. I gain no money from writing this, only pleasure.

Notes: Thanks to kelbelle for beta-reading and feedback.  Livejournal Fiction Link: http://carmens-quill.livejournal.com/  

The sun had only just started to rise, but Brennan was already wide awake; She had been that way for hours, lying here in bed, adrift in her thoughts. Rolling onto her back, she looked over and saw Booth asleep next to her. He lay on his stomach, arms curled under his pillow.  
 
She reached out a hand and trailed her fingers gently through his hair, musing to herself. He inhaled and exhaled again in slumber, and buried his head deeper against the pillow. It was still early, and he looked content to stay just where he was. 
 
Confident that he was asleep, Brennan lifted away the covers and stepped gingerly out of bed. Quickly and silently she found her leather shoulder bag next to her dresser, and picked up a sweatshirt she’d tossed over a chair the day before. She carried these with her as she entered the bathroom. The door closed softly behind her, as she leaned back against it and exhaled for a long moment. Swallowing, she flicked on the light switch and set her bag down next to the sink.  
 
For five days she’d had this in the back of her mind – well, sometimes not just in the back of her mind – and finally she couldn’t stand waiting any longer. She needed to know something, before she could actually do anything. The past few nights had brought sporadic amounts of sleep, and it was becoming hard to be around Booth without saying anything – either at home or at work.  
 
Brennan pulled on the sweatshirt over her tank top and pyjama bottoms and scrubbed her hands over her face, focusing her attention on what she was about to do. Picking up her bag again, she pulled out the slim rectangular box and contemplated it, before dropping the bag to the floor. The home pregnancy test stared back at her, its brightly coloured packaging gleaming back almost too cheerfully.  
 
Her breath left her in a quick exhalation of frustration, and she set the box down on the counter, reconsidering this whole scenario. Depending on what the result was, she knew there could be some pretty big issues waiting for them on the other side of that answer.  
 
She’d been back together with Booth for more than half a year now, much longer than they’d lasted on the first try. Things were good. Still, there was a still an air of casualness about them that she wondered at sometimes. Her other relationships had been lucky to last about this long, and she was starting to ask herself questions about whether they were each in this for the long haul.  
 
Some weeks she saw Booth every day, others she was lucky to spend time with him on Saturday night. The time they did spend together was nice...Well, more than nice, she told herself. A lot more than nice...But still she struggled to define what exactly it was that was keeping them together.  
 
She stared at the box again. You might have an answer to that sooner than you think, she thought. Her gaze shifted from the box to the mirror, and she took a long look at herself. She lifted a hand and pushed away a few strands of hair that had fallen across her cheek, and saw the circles under her eyes. Lack of sleep was starting to become apparent, she could tell, and she didn’t like how pale she looked, either.  
 
For a moment she brushed her hands along the sides of her waist, flattening the sweatshirt against her body and looking for visual evidence that might answer her question. But she knew that was pointless, so soon, and in any case she knew she only looked as thin as ever.  
 
Booth was always bothering her to eat more often than she did, especially when she had a full case load. He sometimes even joked about it, provoking her with laughter in the way he knew only he could get away with. “If you’re not careful there won’t be anything left back there for me to pinch,” he’d said to her once about a month ago, his hands settled comfortably around her behind, a few seconds before she yelped in outrage and admonished him, then kissed him hard enough to make him forget he’d even said it.  
 
You could just wait another day, she reasoned with herself for the hundredth time. It might just be stress. It might be anything but this...But none of these thoughts helped. She knew she had waited long enough, and finally took the box in her hands and started to open it. 
 
A few pieces of plastic and a long page of instructions in different languages greeted her as she emptied the contents onto the sink counter. Patiently, she read over the entire length of the instructions, then followed them. A few minutes later she laid the plastic test stick down on the counter, and took a step back, as if afraid to touch it again until the required amount of time had elapsed. She looked at her watch, making a note of the time. 
 
Just then she heard sounds from the other side of the door, and looked up, startled. She heard knocking, and the muffled sound of Booth’s voice. 
 
“Bones? You in there?” 
 
She swallowed, startled. She hadn’t planned on any interruptions during this process, and felt suddenly anxious that he would find out about this now.  
 
“Yeah,” she said, suddenly scrambling to collect the bits of paper and packaging. “I’m just getting into the shower, I’ll be out in a minute,” she added in haste. She was just reaching for the empty cardboard box when the door opened. 
 
Booth entered, a sleepy yet seductive smile on his face, and clad in boxers and an old t-shirt. “You know, it’s kind of impolite not to ask me to join...” His words trailed off when he saw the objects strewn about the bathroom countertop. “Hey, what are you up to in here?”  
 
She watched him take in the label on the box and then look at the test stick lying a few inches away from where her hand rested. He blinked a few times, looking more alert now. 
 
“Is that...” he started. “Is that...what I think it is?” he asked finally.  
 
Brennan glanced back towards the test, suddenly having a hard time meeting his gaze. “If you think it’s a pregnancy test, then yes, it is.” 
 
“Oh,” he said, exhaling slowly. “I see.” 
 
“Mm.” 
 
He took another couple of steps closer to her, still looking down at the object in question. As if something finally clicked in his mind, he turned back and looked at her carefully. “So does that mean you...You think you might be...well...” He gestured towards the test. 
 
“Pregnant?” she finished for him, feeling no less awkward.  
 
“Yeah,” he said, his tone of voice betraying a hint of nervousness. 
 
“Yeah,” she repeated. “I think I might be.” It was the first time she’d actually said those words aloud, and the very acknowledgement made her feel more uncomfortable than ever.  
 
“Oh,” he said again. For a moment he said nothing else, just ran a hand through his hair and considered this. “So, how does this work, exactly... Do we just wait?” 
 
She closed the toilet lid and sat down on the fuzzy seat cover, wrapping her arms around herself and leaning slightly forward. “Yes. We wait.” A quick glance at her watch told her they still had another eight minutes to go before they could check the results, and she said as much to Booth. Something told her this would not be the fastest eight minutes of her life.  
 
“I don’t understand,” he said abruptly. 
 
Brennan looked up at him, her brow furrowing. “What?” she asked. 
 
He folded his arms. “You never said anything about this,” he reasoned, a note of irritation in his voice. “You didn’t even wake me up before you came in here, you never told me anything...” The irritation rose. 
 
“There wasn’t anything to tell,” she countered back just as strongly. “At least not yet.” She shrugged, looking down again. Her fingers found a loose thread on the cuff of her sweatshirt, and she fidgeted with it a little.  
 
“Well obviously there’s something, otherwise you wouldn’t be in here doing this,” he said, gesturing to the test. He picked up the box, examined it for a moment and then set it down again. A silent few moments passed between them, and finally he looked over at her again. “You seem awfully calm about this,” he noted, concern rising in his voice. 
 
“Calm?” She dropped the thread, suddenly self-conscious. “You think I’m calm?” 
 
He shrugged. “Well, I don’t know, you’re just sitting there all quiet and rational-looking...”  
 
She glanced around at herself, wondering what it was about her just then that could possibly imply she looked any more rational that normal. She sighed. “Trust me, I’ve had several days to think about this. I’m plenty nervous, maybe I’m just not showing it the same way as you are.”  
 
The words still came out of her mouth more harshly than she wanted. She sounded as though she was angry at him when she wasn’t. Not really. Frustrated and anxious, yes. And possibly more than a little frightened. So just relax and let him do this with you, she told herself. I am relaxed, came the response in her mind. Don’t I sound relaxed? 
 
He looked back at her. “Days?” he asked. “So does that mean you haven’t...I mean, are you...?” His voice trailed off into meaningless hand gestures and she sighed. 
 
“Late?” she asked. 
 
“Well, yeah,” he answered, clearly entering awkward territory. Although, why this was awkward for him was something she wasn’t so clear on. After all, he was the one who already had a child. 
 
“Yes, I’m late,” she responded simply, and still a little tersely. The words hung between them in the air as he considered this silently, eventually breaking her gaze. She unfolded her arms and ran her hands through her hair, looking down at the floor. She was growing tired of answering his questions.  
 
He thought about this for a moment, and looked back at the sink counter again. His hands shifted from being clasped together in front of him, to hanging at his sides again.  
 
“So, can a little piece of plastic really tell us something like this for sure? I mean, how does a stupid stick know anything about this, anyway?” he pondered, leaning both hands on either side of the counter and staring down at the offending piece of white plastic. Clearly he wasn’t finished with the inquisitiveness. 
 
Finally recognizing a question she had a confident answer to, Brennan launched into an explanation. “The testing stick is chemically designed to measure the level of particular hormones in a woman’s body, when the test is done within a certain number of days after the…” She glanced up and saw the foggy expression that had come over his face as she spoke, and then paused. Apparently his question hadn’t actually demanded a detailed answer.  
 
Her mouth closed and then opened again. “It just knows,” she said finally. 
 
Booth rubbed a hand over his eyes and then folded his arms, contemplating the truth of this. For a moment he paced for a few steps, as far as he could go in the small room, and regarded the test again. She unfolded her own arms, splaying her hands out across her knees. It was then that she noticed her palms had become sweaty. She rubbed them against the legs of her pyjamas and let out a breath.  
 
Finally he came to join her, sitting next to her on the flat ledge along the edge of the bathtub. “So, is it accurate, and everything? This little chemical test?” 
 
“It’s accurate enough,” she answered. She heard the sound of her own voice and almost didn’t recognize it just then.  
 
“I believe you.” His voice had become calmer, now. She could feel him looking at her, but she couldn’t bring her eyes to his again. Not yet. This wasn’t at all how she had pictured this scenario. But then, she hadn’t ever planned on this scenario in the first place.  
 
“So...” he began, “Should we talk about this?” 
 
She shrugged. “There’s nothing to talk about yet,” she answered. She found the thread again, pulled at it.  
 
“I wouldn’t say that,” he countered. “Not nothing, anyway.” 
 
“Then what would you say?” she asked.  
 
“Well, we’ve never talked about this sort of thing, right? I mean, what if the answer is ‘yes?’ Is this something we want? Or, if it’s ‘no’, is that good? How do we feel about this?” 
 
His questions kept coming. Brennan was sure it was at least in part out of sudden nervousness, having been faced with this situation rather abruptly. She had at least had more time to adjust to the whole concept of what this was about. Of course, that didn’t mean she had any of the answers that Booth was demanding. His words ran together and she couldn’t separate one question from another. 
 
She brought her hands to her face, rubbing her eyes and then resting her hands at her temples as she leaned forward again. “I don’t know, Seely,” she said finally, her voice betraying her exhaustion. “Please can we not do these questions right now?” 
 
There was silence for a moment, and then she felt one of his hands reach over to her, clasping his fingers around one of her hands and pulling it away from her face.  
 
“Hey,” he said gently. “I get it. ‘Least, I think I do.” 
 
“Get what?” She turned to look at him, their hands resting together on her knee.  
 
“This is scary,” he said. 
 
She inhaled slowly and let her breath out in a long sigh. “Yeah. And complicated” 
 
“Kids complicate things,” he said. “I think that’s their job.” 
 
She shook her head. “I never thought about kids before. I never thought I’d have any, I just thought that was something other people did.” 
 
He paused for a moment. “Am I ‘other people?’” he asked, a little hesitantly. “I mean, Parker’s not with me all the time, but he’s still a part of my life. And so are you.” 
 
She felt his hand grasp hers a little more tightly for a moment, and smiled just a little. “I know,” she said, hoping she sounded as confident as he seemed to be. "I didn't mean it like that, I just..." her words trailed off, and she shrugged. "I just wasn't planning on this," she said finally.  
 
He seemed to accept this, and nodded. For a few moments they were silent again, the only movement the stroke of his thumb against the back of her hand. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad,” he mused suddenly. “Having a kid.”  
 
Brennan looked back at him with what she was sure was a look of pure incredulity on her face. “You’re serious?” 
 
He shrugged awkwardly. “You don’t agree?” 
 
She pulled her hand away from his, covering her face again for a moment as her thoughts tried to coalesce around the explanation that would possibly make sense to him how much she didn’t agree. She tried to make it fit in her mind, the idea of having a child in her life...in their life...and it just wouldn’t. How was she supposed to travel with a toddler? Or even work at the office? Most nights she was lucky to pry herself away in time to eat a decent dinner, let alone worry about kindergarten or babysitters.  
 
"Oh, Seely..." she said, entirely unsure how to proceed with this. "I just don't know," she said. "I can't picture it at all, what that would be like..." She shrugged again. "I can't go off to remote dig sites with a baby, I couldn't...I couldn't do most of the work that I already do, for that matter." 
 
"Yeah," he responded. "It would change a few things." 
 
"It would change everything," she said, looking back at him once more. She found his expression hard to read just then - he looked as though he was thinking over what she said, but other than that she couldn't tell what thought. He seemed even a little distant, but she couldn't be sure. 
 
She glanced down at her watch just then and saw that the requisite waiting time had already elapsed, and she felt a knot tighten in her stomach.  
 
"Time's up," he announced for her, watching her examine her watch and following her expression.  
 
Brennan looked up again. "Yeah." She turned towards the counter where the pregnancy test stood waiting, and stood up slowly.  
 
At her side, Booth stood too, his hand coming to rest at the small of her back. "It's all right," he said, his voice reassuring in her ear. "Whatever happens, I'm here with you." She closed her eyes again just for a moment, steadying herself to read the results of the test.  
 
Finally she reached out to pick up the stick, examining it carefully. She looked at it closely for a moment, making sure she was understanding it correctly.  
 
It was Booth who spoke first. "What is that, is it...is it a line? What does a line mean?..." 
 
Brennan exhaled a breath, relief washing over her as she answered. "It's a minus sign," she said. "It means the result is negative." She set the test down again. "It means I'm not pregnant." 
 
She felt Booth's hand lift higher, coming to rest at the back of her neck. He leaned towards her, planting a kiss at her temple. "Negative," he said. 
 
"Yes." Now she let herself relax again, the knot in her stomach easing off a little. She leaned into him, bringing her arms to wrap around his waist as she let his arms envelop her. "Negative." 
 
"I guess you're relieved," he said gently. 
 
She couldn't help but acknowledge as much. "I am. I'm sorry, I know you didn't think it was such a bad idea." 
 
"Hey," he said. "I never said that, exactly." 
 
"I know, but I could tell." She lifted her head to look at him, a hint of concern in her expression. "Is that all right? That I'm relieved it's negative?" 
 
"Of course," he said. "You said yourself you hadn't planned on having any kids right now." 
 
"Right now?" she repeated. "More like, not ever," she said, a brief smile coming over her face as she released herself from his arms. She stood for a moment in front of the mirror, brushing her hair out of her eyes and straightening her shirt. "Anyway, it's done now, nothing to worry about." 
 
"Yeah," he answered. 
 
"Listen, I was thinking of heading into the office a little early this morning. There's a file I want to finish up before Goodman comes in." 
 
"Sure," he said. "I'll make pancakes," he offered, usually something he only did on the weekends.  
 
Brennan smiled again. "Thanks, but I'll just grab something on my way in." She moved towards him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "We can drive in together if you want." 
 
"Sure," he repeated. "Whatever you like," he added, but she was already on her way back into the bedroom.  
 
He sighed, briefly, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he digested everything that had happened in the past ten minutes. Finally, he picked up the cardboard box and the remnants of the packaging and tossed them into the garbage. He paused as he picked up the test stick, looking at it for a long moment, and then threw that away, too.  
 
 
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