Someone To Cuddle by AngelChase
Summary: Cordelia comes back to Angel.
Spoilers: Season Three.
Notes: Part two of the Cuddle Series.
~ 1 ~
The vibe around the hotel is strange. There is blood on the wall. What happened? I've only been gone for a week. I came back because I had a vision. I saw Wesley hit Lorne and then he run off with Connor. And that can't be right.
"Hello?", I called as I entered the office. There was no one there. I tried the garden. There I saw Fred. She was sitting by the roses.
"Fred?", I asked her.
"Cordelia?", she looked at me. Her eyes were sad.
"Fred? What's happened?". I was worried and I wasn't trying to hide that.
"Wesley... Wes", she began, but she started to sob and when the sobs had turned into desperate cries, she burried her head in her hands.
"Wes? What happened to Wes?", I asked her.
"He took Connor away from Angel", she whispered.
"He hit Lorne and he took Connor...", I remembered out loud.
"Yes!", Fred looked at me stranged. "How do you know that?".
"It's happened already?", I asked her. I couldn't believe I was late.
"It happened last night", Fred added. She must have read my expression.
"You had a vision, didn't you?", she asked me.
"I did...", I trailed off. "Where is Angel?". If Connor was gone, Angel was probably in pain.
"He's upstairs", Fred whispered. "He's not good", she added. "Where's Groo?", Fred said.
"Groo? In Mexico", I said as I walked towards the lobby.
"Cordelia... Angel is... he's lost...", Fred tried to give me the picture, but there was no need for that. "I wish you had been here last night", she cried again.
"Last night...", I repeated. I had the vision this morning. How could the Powers be running the visions in my head once there's nothing to be done about them? "I'm going to check on Angel", I finally said and then I entered the dark hotel.
~ 2 ~
The curtains were tightly closed. It was obvious that Angel handn't been the one who closed them, because he was never that cautious when it came to the curtains. Someone must have thought that Angel could try something crazy or stupid. But he is better than that, and even though he must feel like there's nothing to atone for, he has been around long enough to know that in every dark time, there's another door that opens. He once said I was the new door. It was right after Doyle had died, when I realised the visions were mine.
He was laying all curled up in his bed, with his back to me and his eyes fixed on the empty crib. I wished I could have been his new door. In the lobby, the air was thick. In his room, there was no air. He doesn't breathe, so he probably didn't notice the lack of it. He was lacking something more important to him. Someone more dear.
I took a deep breath and walked towards him. I sat next to him on the bed and he didn't even move, as if he hadn't realised I'm there. Still, he knew. After a few minutes in silence, he sats up and he took my hand in his.
"Angel, I'm so sorry". That's all I could say. But he knew I meant it. He looked at me and his eyes revealed the saddest expression I've ever seen. And I thought I had seen pretty much everything. He didn't say a word and goes back to contemplating the empty cradle.
I found myself staring at the crib as well, and the images of the sweet Connor ran through my head. I finally got what Angel once said. He'd never had anyone totally dependant on him before, and that was Connor. I knew that besides all the hate Angel must have been feeling towards Wesley, most importantly, he hated himself. He blamed himself for failing Connor. Just like I blamed myself for not being there when that happened, as if I could have changed something.
~ 3 ~
He doesn't want to talk. I am the one that usually does all the talking between us, but this time I don't have many comforting words.
He just sits in the dark and I watch him from the armchair. Every once in a while, I read a little passage of the book I'm holding, but I can't seem to concentrate, since I feel his eyes on me every time I am not looking at him. It's just as if he wanted to ask me for something.
I don't know what to give him. As tacky as it may sound, if I could, I'd give him the world. But that's not what he wants. I can't promise him that I will bring Connor back, but I can promise him I'll try, with all my strength.
"We will do everything in our power to get Connor back. I will stay by your side and we will figure out a way to get Connor back", I tell him. He looks at me and I see a sparkle of hope where there actually is a shy tear. I move to sit in the bed next to him. He turns to me and sets his head on my shoulder. As I feel a cool drop on my skin, I wrap my arms around him and held him tighter against my chest.
~ 4 ~
Cordelia came back because she had a vision. She is still trying to figure out why the Powers sent her the images of something that had already happened, of something that she couldn't prevent.
I know why she had that vision. Or I least I like to think I know why. It's like something that once Kate said to me. "Maybe we are not all alone". Maybe we are not. She still believes she can't do a thing about Connor. Maybe she's right. But I'm sure that isn't the reason why she got the vision.
The Powers didn't send her here to help Connor. They sent her to help me, and that shows me that maybe we are not alone. I know I am not alone now. I have Cordelia. And I have a family, even though it is not the way it used to be. I lost my son and I lost a friend.
But right now, I know that I will find the strength to deal with all the losses, because I am not alone anymore.
"We will do everything in our power to get Connor back. I will stay by your side and we will figure out a way to get Connor back", she said earlier. And because of that, I have something to atone for and I will live second after second. I will live, maybe without great goals, but I'll seize the little accomplishments. Because sometimes, it doesn't take much.
I will live through the night, and that's my little accomplishment for now. Right now there's no greater accomplishment than making the pain go away. But that's not even my accomplishment. It's hers. It's funny how a blinding pain can become almost unnoticeable when you've got someone to cuddle.