More Than A Cuddle by AngelChase
Summary: Angel finds comfort in the arms of Cordelia.
Spoilers: Season Three.
Notes: Third in the Cuddle Series (and last!)
funny how a blinding pain can become almost unnoticeable when you've got someone to
cuddle". That thought of mine kept echoing in my head as I felt
Cordelia's soft skin caressing my own.
She had fallen asleep almost an hour ago. I acknowledged that when I looked at clock on the nightstand. I've been watching her breathe in and out for an hour. To some that might be an obsessive action. To me, it is just appreciation of beauty. I can't go out and enjoy the sunny fields of nature, but I don't need to, because she brings the bloom into my darkness.
She stirs a little and she lays on her left side, facing me. One long and delicate arm is set over my waist. I move my left arm and place it gently on her shoulder, wrapping her and moving her closer to me.
I need to feel her heat on me. I once wanted to feel something besides the cold and what I did to get rid of the cold didn't help at all. It only made me feel colder. But now, even with layers of clothes and still some little space between us, her heat and her scent are reaching out to me, making me feel warm and in peace.
With a delicate touch I caress her shoulder. The skin is radiant and it feels so soft. It's almost as soft as baby skin. Almost as soft as Connor's.
The memory of my lost child strikes me again. Of course, I didn't think I was going to get through the night without thinking of him. I miss my son, I miss the feeling of holding someone so dear next to my heart.
I shut my eyes tightly, forcing myself to keep the tears inside. Cordelia stirs again and she desentangles from my embrace. And that's all those tears need to come out.
I roll over and turn my back to her. I hear her move in her sleep again and suddenly I feel her warm body spooning mine. The contrast of temperatures sends shivers down my spine and I shake a little. I try to remain still. I don't want to do anything to cause her to turn away from me again.
As if she could feel my fear, she presses her body tighter against mine. She places and arm over my ribs and her hand sets on my chest. Her fingers clung to the fabric of my shirt of a second, and then she moves her arm again, but only to wrap me firmly and completely with it, pressing our bodies closer together.
She murmures something in her sleep, but I can't figure out what she says. One minute later, her hand wanders on my chest. I shiver as I realize the comfortable feeling of warmth is being slightly replaced by the uncomfortable desire for her. And that is wrong, for so many reasons.
I force myself to remember that the woman lying next to me is here to give me some peace of mind. And when you have the brooding experience that I have, it is easy to feel the guilt right away.
But this isn't the case. Thinking of the reason that brought her back to me and why she is asleep in my bed do nothing but increase the awareness of how much she means to me.
Because I was lost. I was broken. I was hopeless. But she came back to remind me that I am still alive, well, at least in my dead kind of way. She came back to share her warmth with me.
I feel her heat and her breathe. And I feel the desire that she awakens in me. And that reminds me that I am a man. A man, yes. But one of many limitations, as Lorne once said.
I'm not going to count my limitations tonight. I'm going to count my stars. Because even though I may never forget about my lost son, I can only hope for a second chance of going through that experience. I can only dream about the day I fulfill my destiny, about becoming human with her by my side.
My greatest wish right now? I want the dream and the second chance to come together. Because when she wrapped her arm around me she gave me more than a cuddle. She gave me hope.