Hopeless by AngelChase


Summary: What happens when you lose everyone you love?


Spoilers: Season Four.

Content: Character death. Rape. Evil vampire.


Notes: Special thanks to Angenlussis for being the world's most patient beta reader and for making this story look A LOT (A LOT) better.



Cordelia shook her head. She knew it wasn't like her to give up. But she had. Did anything matter? She looked up at the crimson sky, the light of sun slowly melting into the night. She could still smell the blood, even when one month had passed. Even when the hotel had been cleaned up, she still smelled the blood. She still sensed their fear.

She shut her eyes tightly. The images of Angelus sinking his fangs forcefully into Fred's neck came back to mind. His expression of amusement as he drank the life out of Fred stayed with her. Fred couldn't run, her feet were heavy like bricks. She stared at Wesley's corpse and noted how quickly his face had turned pale; the thin lines of blood that trailed from his neck and spilled onto the floor. When Angelus grabbed her she couldn't even scream.

Again, Cordelia shook her head trying to send the memories away. Instead she recalled Angelus twisting Connor's head from right to left in one quick motion. She remembered she felt relieved when she heard the loud cracking sound that Connor's neck made. He had already suffered enough. Angelus had taken particular interest in Connor, unlike he had done with Gunn, whose death had arrived quickly, so quickly that nobody realized he was gone until Lorne's body was found.

Cordelia stared at the empty lobby from the top of the stairs. She remembered Angelus coming for her. She remembered Angelus telling her how beautiful she was as he ripped off her clothes. He had told her how thankful he was to her for setting him free. She remembered his cold skin pressed against hers as his fingers dig inside her.

It wasn't like her to stand there and just take it, but she realized she couldn't fight him alone. Not only because of the difference of physical strength, but because even if she found a way around him, she wouldn't be able to bring Angel back. Not without Wesley, Gunn or Fred. Or even Connor.

The evil vampire had told her much he wanted her. He had kept telling her that she wanted him too. The monster had the face of her Angel, but she knew better than that. She had always known the difference between them, and she knew she didn't want the creature in front of her.

Angel would have never pinned her against the wall and enter her forcefully. But Angelus didn't care if he hurt her. His expression was one of pleasure as his cock rasped her dry channel. Angel would have never stretched her with such violence. He would have never scratched the skin of her breasts with his fangs and forced her to call his name as he kept drilling her with rage. Even if he hurt her, she did not make a sound. Whatever physical pain he was causing her wasn't enough to make her come back to reality. Her senses were too numb from the smell of blood that was filling the hotel.

He slapped her, bruised her, forced her to stand on hands and knees as his penis entered her ass. But still there was nothing he could do to make her obey him. She did not respect him, nor feared him. What was the worst thing he could do? Kill her? For all she cared, death could be her sweet release.

And he knew that. That was the very same reason she was still alive. That was the reason he haunted her every minute. He had given her the worst punishment he could have given her. Loneliness. She had no one to turn to. She had nowhere to go. She couldn't start her new life. She didn't even want to. Because nothing else mattered anymore.

Cordelia slowly walked down the stairs towards the garden and looked out the window. He was there. He was always there. He had been there every night after she returned from the hospital. He could no longer enter the hotel. Lilah had taken care of that. She had been the one that had the hotel cleaned up and she had put a spell to protect Cordelia. She might having been acting out of remorse, for letting the false spell that could bind Angel's soul fall into Wesley's hands.

Angelus stepped out from shadows. The sun was no longer there. "Hi, Cordy" he greeted her casually from the other side of the door. "You look well today," he complimented her. She remained expressionless. Once upon a time, she would have picked up a crossbow and aim it to his still heart. She had lots of crossbows, but none of them would have helped her get her family back.

Cordelia walked closer to the door. She turned the knob and opened it. Angelus remained on the other side. "Do you want to take a walk outside?" he teased her. "It's a beautiful evening". Cordelia looked at him without emotion.

"It's a bit cold outside," she replied as she felt the soft autumn breeze on her skin. "Come in" she said stepping away from the door and leaving it open for him. Angelus couldn't hide his initial surprise. He hadn't expected her to invite him in. At least, not yet. He thanked her with a nod and entered the Hyperion.

"What do you want, Cordelia?" he asked her suggestively as he walked closer to her, his voice filled with arrogance. She didn't move away from him.

"I want peace," she replied. She wanted the images to stop. She wanted to stop smelling her friends' blood. She wanted to stop thinking she had no way to bring Angel back. She wanted a loophole, or to turn back time. She wanted all the things she knew she couldn't have. But she could settle for peace since hope was no longer available.

"I can give you peace," he replied as he approached her. He gently caressed her shoulder and she shivered when she felt the coldness of his skin of her. Angelus smiled, enjoying to get some reaction out of her. His touch was soft, but still so different from Angel's. There was no sweetness in him. There was no care. "I can give you peace," he repeated. "But we could have fun together," he told her. "You have it in you, you know," he said as she brushed a strand of hair off her face.

"Then turn me," she asked him, avoiding his gaze. She couldn't stand to look into his dark eyes and see all the hate they carried. Specially not when the last thing she had seen on Angel's eyes was love.

"Angel would be really disappointed if he could hear you now," he told her with a smirk. She felt hopeless at the mention of Angel. As he embraced her softly and she surrendered into his arms.

He buried his face in the crook of her neck and she shivered, feeling his face changing to his vampire features and then feeling a soft sting as his fangs scraped her skin. "You won't feel a thing," he told her soothingly.

"You either," she whispered as a stake shot out from under her sleeve. It was quickly buried inside his chest. He stepped back enough to look at her in awe. Cordelia smirked behind her tears at his surprised expression and then pushed the stake deeper inside him.

"Sorry, Angel" she muttered when the only thing left in front of her was a pile of dust. Cordelia fell down on her knees and she cried the way she hadn't cried for the past month.

She walked towards the center of the lobby and took one last look at the deserted hotel. Her eyes wondered around the counter and the desks behind it, remembering what it was like when the hotel was filled with laughter and bantering. She moved behind the counter and picked up a pair of suitcases. She said her last goodbye to her friends and to Angel, hoping he'd be proud of her for keeping her promise, even if it had taken her too long to find the strength to do it. Then she turned off the lights and walked away.



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