Everything She Wants by MissKitieFantastico
Summary: She has everything she wants… doesn't she?
Spoilers: Up to Benediction, Season Three.
Notes: This is the first time I've written since my Muse left me. I hope it doesn't suck too bad, it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing I jotted down at work. Be mindful though, I'm the Queen of Vague. If you don't understand it, I'm sorry. I have a problem with writing things that *aren't* obscure.
Dedication: To Lovin' Lorne. Why? Because she's awesome, and I always get all blush-y when she tells me how much my writing doesn't suck.
She
had slept alone for so long that when he came back into her life, and eventually into her bed, she wasn't sure what
to do.
She felt naïve and
young for the first time in… ever.
She'd had men in her
bed before, not many, even though that's contrary to what everyone thought, but this
was… different. Those other men had made her feel physical ecstasy, and some
had taken her body places she'd never been. But he… he made her
feel something else. No, he didn't make her feel. He awakened
something in her.
Deep inside. Somewhere
she didn't even know existed.
It stirred, and called
to her, but she didn't understand it. Too lost in what he was doing to her body, too blinded by
his hands, his mouth, his perfectly perfect everything… Just when
she thought she'd die with the sensations building and pulsing in her
body, the world would explode behind her eyes, only to melt away into
oblivion. He'd lower himself next to her, completely spent, their
bodies shaken to the core, trembling still with the passion flowing
freely through their veins.
Her body would be numb
then, unable to move or speak, but she could still feel it, every time she was with him it
would grow stronger, more persistent, keeping her up at night after they
made love.
It confused her. That
feeling inside her, somewhere.
Something she couldn't
pinpoint, all she knew was when she was lying with him, she could feel it growing stronger. She
could feel it, worming its way through every inch of her body, until
finally one night she felt it circling itself around her heart. If
she concentrated hard
enough, she could even feel it squeezing ever so slightly.
Trying to tell her
something in a language she didn't understand.
On the brink of sleep
he would turn to her, their bodies still slick with sweat, and he would cradle her body
protectively to his, murmuring all those things that made her heart swell.
She could feel the weight of his words tugging at the strings of that
unidentifiable feeling, and she'd smile at him softly before his
eyelids slid shut for the final time, taking him somewhere she couldn't
follow…
So she'd watch him,
and think.
Silently, she'd adjust
her body, propping herself up on an elbow, and gaze down at him, something indefinable, but
serene, in her eyes.
Just being with him
calmed her mind, slowing the crazy spiral of thoughts in her head, but still that something
slithered deep inside her.
Tanned, delicate
fingers would trail their way across his hairline, gently teasing the soft brown hair with her faint
touch. Every night she would follow the same path with her fingers,
memorizing every inch of his beautiful face, committing every inch of it
to memory, so she'd always have it with her. Down the side of his
face, she'd shiver slightly with the feel of his skin, soft like
the finest imported silks. Her nimble fingers would wander over
his brow, and she'd close her eyes, picturing it in her head, and
she'd smile in spite of herself… and finally, when she opened her
eyes, she'd delicately run her fingers over his lips.
Even before, when she
really didn't know him, she'd fantasized about those lips… Keeping that memory behind her
eyes, slowly she'd lower her face, and gently lay a feather-soft kiss on his
lips. She'd stay that way, barely touching his skin with hers, until she
could feel his lips slowly stretch into a small, sleepy smile.
She'd feel content
then, and lay her head on his bare chest. The image of him inside her made the feeling lessen,
and she felt sleepy then, ready to follow him wherever it was that he had
gone in his dreams. She could finally close her eyes, and feel her
mind drifting from her body, nearing the gates of sleep she'd longed
to reach… but as she stepped through into the tranquility of
nothingness, something would push her, and pull her, until she returned to her
body.
To consciousness.
On other nights, her
eyes would fly open, startled awake, but not that night. She could never understand what it
was that disrupted her, yanking her from a place she longed to be. Then
finally, she stayed silent and still after waking, eyes closed
lightly… and she heard it.
The feeling she'd had
for months was starting to become clear. She was learning its language, and it scared her. She
didn't want to know what it had to say.
Now it wasn't just a
feeling deep inside her body, pulling at her heart in a silent attempt to be heard. Now she
could hear it, now it spoke to her.
That feeling told her
something wasn't right. But everything *was* right. She had everything she wanted. Everything
she'd ever dreamed of. Everything she *needed*. So what could possibly be
wrong?
Holding her breath,
every muscle in her body was as still as stone.
That sound… What was
that sound?
She struggled harder
to hear it, but the more she struggled, the further away it was.
So she waited, trying
to understand what her body was telling her. Trying to piece together a puzzle with no sides,
no boundaries, no shape, no guide.
She knew that sound.
She *definitely* knew that sound.
Her brow came together
in confusion, a knot tightening itself in her stomach, slightly disturbed with this revelation.
How could it be wrong? How could something so beautiful sound so
wrong?
Thump-thump …
thump-thump
It was his heartbeat.
End.
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