Burn by Lara
Time
Period: Post RoF/Habeas Corpses. Ahhh, the material.
Spoilers: Rain of
Fire, Habeas Corpses.
Note #1: Dark.
Surprise!
Note #2: You might
notice the lack of "the vampire", "the Seer", "the
Champion", etc. For this fic, Angel and Cordelia are just that. Angel and
Cordelia.
Summary: Angel.
Cordelia. Talk. Sex. Aftermath.
Distribution:
Anywhere. Just tell me where.
Her
back burned
and she was cold.
Her vision was
blurry and blocked. Blurry from the hot, humiliated
tears burning in her
eyes, and blocked from the dark locks hanging in her
face. She wrapped what was left of her dress tightly around her body, staring up at his dark form. His dark eyes. Dark and
ashamed.
He turned his head
slightly to the side, not so much looking at her
as to the floor. He
opened his mouth to speak. Nothing came out. He tried again, a low huff of needless breath escaping his lips.
Finally-
"Sorry."
She closed her eyes.
* * *
She
closed her eyes, her fist frozen midair. A part of her was
seconds away from
running from his door and down the stairs and away from him and the inevitable confrontation. But the stubborn
part of
her continued to
stand there, silently trying to keep all of her pre-
written speech
coherent and in her head. Now all she had to do was remain hopeful Angel wouldn't talk. At all.
Of course he would.
And of course she
would forget the whole thing.
Cordelia Chase
wasn't good with apologies. She tried to avoid them as
much as possible.
But now, now she would have to. Sleeping with the son of the man you love is damn near unforgivable. She still
had a
slither of optimism
for forgiveness, though. And if those Maury shows
were right, anything
was forgivable as long as no lie detectors were involved.
But the
straightforward "Get the hell out" he delivered showed her he
wasn't in a
forgiving mood.
None of that
mattered anyway. Not the doubt. Not the fear. And
definitely not the
pain. It was now or never.
She inhaled slowly,
and then brought her fist against the thick wood
of the door. Once,
then twice. Her knock.
She heard movement
on the other side. Steps, then nothing. She took
this moment to
smooth down her wine-colored dress and fix the string that wrapped one half of the dress to the other. The long
sleeves
were tugged over her
wrists, and the knee length bottom half was
tugged. Her dark
hair was smoothed down and her high heels were quickly inspected for scuffmarks. There were none. She was
perfect.
So she knocked
again.
"Go away,
Cordelia."
And that was her
clue to walk in.
Angel looked at her
incredulously, his face saying exactly what he
must've been
thinking: `I cannot fucking believe you'. He was dressed as she expected. Thin black sweater, black pants, black
shoes. The usual.
"Hi." She
said simply. He crossed his arms, staring at her silently.
She closed the door
with the least amount of noise she could manage, and then faced him. "I thought you would be- Gunn let me
up." His arms
uncrossed and were dropped to his side. "He said you were up
here."
"I told him I
wanted privacy."
"Oh. Too
bad?" She waited for his answer, and got none. Time to try
again. "How are
you?"
His posture
stiffened. "How do you think."
Her gaze hit the
floor. "Fair enough..."
He shook his head,
walking away from her. "Get out, Cordelia." His
back was to her now,
and he was a little bit too interested on the book resting on it. She didn't move, and he spun around
abruptly. An aggravated
one replaced his previously blank look. "WHAT did I say,
Cordelia?"
Her stance nearly
made Angel sick. It resembled Connor in every way.
Head up, lips
tightly pursed, eyes directly on his. Her eyes burning into him. And noncompliant as all hell. He crossed his arms,
and she
crossed hers in
return. For a moment, they both seemed to be sizing
each other up.
Everything from the shoes, to the clothes, to the hair, to the height.
Cordelia bit her
bottom lip slightly, just enough for Angel to
notice. Her
straight, white teeth nipped at the soft skin, leaving temporary pinkish reminders. "I'm not going anywhere,
Angel."
"Why not."
Came his quick reply.
"We need to
talk."
He laughed slightly.
Bitterly. His arms uncrossed as he started to
gesture
nonchalantly. "Talk? Talk about what? We have nothing to talk about."
She opened her mouth, and he gave her a fixed, hard stare, his arms dropping to his side. "No."
Her arms uncrossed,
and her hands were slowly placed on her hips. He
wasn't sure if the
slowness was to irritate him or not. He realized he didn't really care. Her presence annoyed him enough.
"Angel."
"No."
"Angel-"
"I am
not-"
"You
WILL." She snapped. His eyes registered surprise, and then
narrowed. She
stepped forward. One step. "You will talk about this with me, Angel! I thought we were all about communication and
respect."
"That went out
the window when you fucked my son, Cordelia."
Cordelia closed her
eyes painfully for a mere moment, and then looked
at him again.
"Angel. Please. What happened...I need to tell you my side and you need to hear it. You of all people should give
me a
chance to explain
myself."
He blinked. "Me
of all people? What the hell is that supposed to
mean?"
"You know what
it means. You've fucked me over far more than I have
you, remember?"
"Whoa, whoa,
whoa-" It was his turn to take a step forward. "What you
did kind of negates
anything and everything I have ever done to you, you know that, Cordelia? He is my SON. And YOU said you loved
me" She opened
her mouth to speak, and he held a hand up, silencing her. He
moved one step
closer. "You- you told me you loved me and wanted me and
you couldn't- you told me you couldn't and then you slept with my SON." He glared at her fiercely. "You slept with my
SON while the sky was
raining FIRE. Did you even give a damn if I was alive? Did you
even care-"
"Why didn't you
tell me you loved me?" She asked suddenly. He stopped
in his tracks, his
mouth closing. "I guess the real question is, do you
love me?" Her eyes lowered, no longer on his face. She stared at his chest, her face swiftly showing just how tired she really
was. "Do
you."
Angel's hand was
brought to his eyes. He rubbed them roughly. "You
know the
answer."
She sighed shakily.
"No. No...I really don't."
He glanced at her
face and felt something stir in him. It was neither
sexual nor loving.
It was something else. Guilt. Maybe pity. Her face burned into his soul. Her features were filled with an
extreme
sorrow. Her eyes had
dropped to the floor and her shoulders had
slumped. It was the
first time he had seen her look so lost. Lonely. Insecure. He sighed. "You know."
She nodded quickly,
her head bobbing up and down in an almost animated
way. "Yeah. I do."
Silence filled the
room as the two stood, no more than eight feet
away from each
other. He stared at the wall behind her, and she kept her eyes on the floor. The clock on his table clicked, and
cars raced below
the closed window on the street, making loud whoosh sounds as
they made their way
to their destinations.
Angel's right hand
clenched and unclenched, while Cordelia's teeth
pinched at her
bottom lip again. Finally, he spoke. "Are you done?"
Her head jerked up
and she stared at him, looking as if he awoke her
from a deep sleep.
"Huh?"
"Are. We.
Done."
Cordelia exhaled
slowly, moving toward him. "Angel...please. Let's
just talk without
the arguing and all that smartass bullshit. Okay?"
"Why did you do
it."
She stopped in her
tracks, less than a foot away. "I...I was
confused.
Afraid."
"And you
couldn't come to me?"
She shook her head.
"You wouldn't have understood. You left me. You
left both of us.
Alone."
He raised his hands,
waving them in front of his chest. "No. No, no,
no- you can't pull
that, Cordelia. That is NO excuse."
"I know."
He looked at her
face, unsure if he heard right. "What?"
"I know."
She repeated. Quicker.
The hard look in
Angel's eyes nearly disappeared, replaced by a sad
one. "Then
why?" He asked quietly.
Her hazel eyes hit
the floor one more, burning into the wood. "I
don't know, Angel.
It was...the memory and the loss and the vision...it was too much. And Connor- God," Her eyes
lifted, meeting his.
"He was so scared, Angel. He was scared and his life was so
messed up and I had
nothing to offer him except..." She trailed off, shaking her head. There went her speech. "It's no
excuse."
"You hurt
me."
"I know."
"You really
hurt me." His face lowered, and she could hear his voice
begin to shake. In
rage. "You hurt me." Not rage. Hurt. Definitely pain.
Her heart broke in a
thousand pieces.
Cordelia frowned.
"Angel..." He lifted his head to look at her and
she moved her left
hand towards his face. He grabbed her wrist, holding it tightly. The impact of his hand hitting her skin
was
enough to sting and
send a loud smack echoing through the room. She
flinched, trying to
retract her hand. After a moment, he let go and walked away from her. She stared at his retreating back,
guilt
filling her soul.
"Angel."
Angel was now
shuffling through the books on his nightstand. He
cleared his throat
several times before speaking. "You should go, Cordelia." He muttered, his voice void of emotion.
The palm of her left
enveloped the fingers on her right hand and she
squeezed and twisted
the skin. "Angel, I...I..." Her chin trembled
slightly as her
emotions threatened to bubble over. She had no idea his voice could do something like that to her. It wasn't even
his voice.
It was the intent behind it.
I don't care,
Cordelia.
I don't want to talk
to you, Cordelia.
I don't want to look
at you, Cordelia.
I don't need you,
Cordelia.
He turned his head
slightly. "Go."
"What can I
do?" She asked suddenly, her voice quivering with
desperation.
"How can I make it better? I want it to be better, Angel. What can I do?" She wiped her eyes roughly.
"I'll do anything. Anything."
He shook his head,
his gaze returning to the table. "There's nothing
you can do, Cordelia."
He could hear her stepping towards him. He could hear her heart beating. Racing. He could hear her
uneven
breaths. He spun
around, and she was three inches away from him.
"Nothing."
Cordelia looked up
at him, her eyes glassy. "There has to be
something.
Please." She moved her hand up again, and he pushed it away with the back of his hand. She lowered her head in
defeat.
"Angel."
Angel closed his
eyes, trying to stop the pain. Trying desperately to
stop that goddamn
pain that was threatening to come to the surface and destroy all the strength he struggled to keep. He
couldn't do it anymore.
And he didn't know how to handle it. His eyes opened. "Get.
Out."
She made an attempt
to answer him. All that came out was a squeak. A
low, pitiful squeak.
She shook her head as her chin trembled. He kept his eyes off her, focusing on the wall behind her. His toe
started to tap
on the floor, striving to keep his mind off everything that was
going on. Before he
could react, her hand had touched the side of his face.
He nearly panicked.
"Cor- stop-" She tilted her head up, and her
mouth met his in a
slow, sad kiss. He froze, not responding. She pulled away, staring at him. "Why."
"Why
what?" She whispered despondently.
"Why did you do
that?"
Cordelia made a
slight shrugging motion, or what should've been a
shrug. The slight,
sudden jerk of her shoulders made him wonder if she meant to do that, or if it were an involuntary
reaction.
"I...I..." She kissed him again. He pulled away, staring at her.
Her lips made the pain even fiercer. It just wouldn't stop. She exhaled shakily, looking into his eyes. Her hand stroked his
face
gently, as her face
seemed to show a sense of helplessness. "Let me
give you something
that's real, Angel. I can make the pain go away."
Angel stared at her,
uncertain of what to say. Or do. "Cordelia."
"I can make
everything okay, Angel." She pleaded in a whisper, her
face clearly showing
her desperation. "Let me. I can. I promise."
He felt everything
crumble around him. Seeing her so vulnerable made
him upset. Angry.
Sad. "No."
She pulled away
hastily, nodding. "Yeah. Right." She forced a bright
smile. "I'm
so...why would you- how could I- yeah. I'm leaving." She spun
on her heels are rushed towards his door. "Sorry."
Angel watched
Cordelia make her escape. She was leaving him again.
She couldn't make it
better. He followed her and grabbed her arm, swinging her around. They locked eyes as she stared at him
questioningly.
"Angel?"
He slowly nodded,
his face grim. "Okay." His lips crashed against
hers, his hand
moving up her body to the back of her neck, forcing her mouth onto his more. Her lips burned. She stood there
stiffly. He moved
his mouth away, looking at her. "What."
She gazed at him
sadly. He shook his head and forced his mouth on
hers yet again. His
body pushed her towards his unmade bed. Her legs slammed into the bed and she toppled onto it into a seated
position. She
looked up at him standing over her, her legs open, but her knees
tightly together.
Her eyes asked him what he was going to do.
He showed her.
Angel's hands moved
across Cordelia's thighs to her knees and he jerked
her legs open, his mouth finding hers once more. He climbed on top of her, forcing her to the bed. His mouth attacked her
lips, then her
neck as his hands pulled her dress up her legs. She lay on her
back, staring at the
ceiling. His head moved up, catching her eyes. He kissed her hard, almost forcing her to kiss him back.
Cordelia started to
sit up and he moved up with her, his mouth continuing
to work on her lips. She kept going until he was off the bed. And her. He felt her hands push him away and he grabbed
her arm, flinging
her off the bed to the floor. She hit the ground hard, the
skin on her hands
scrapping on the carpet.
She could hear him
walking towards her and she blinked back tears.
His large hand was
gripping her arm again, and he threw her onto her back. She got a good look at the ceiling as he climbed on top
of her. His
hands pulled her legs apart, and he lowered his body on hers.
He was kissing her
again.
But he was suddenly
gentle.
His mouth was soft
on hers, his tongue teasing her slightly. His hand
roamed up her leg to
her hip. She pulled up his sweater as quick as she could, and he removed his mouth from hers so she could do
away
with his shirt. The
black sweater was thrown to the ground and his
mouth was placed
back on hers. Her hand undid the button on his pants and moved toward the zipper.
His kisses became
more and more desperate as his hands traveled over
her body. He wanted
her to react to him. A genuine reaction. Not a kiss to help him out. He wanted her to feel that fire. That
emotion. She
wasn't.
Angel's hands grazed
past Cordelia's breasts, and with one move,
pulled open her
dress from the top. She gasped slightly, her body stiffening. He gazed at her black bra for a moment before
dropping his
head down to her collarbone, kissing it. He yanked the dress from
her body. It ripped
a bit, the shredding of material becoming the loudest noise in the nearly silent room. The new dress was
tossed to the
side as he bit her skin softly, his hands running down her body.
His mouth moved down
her chest, kissing her soft skin gently. He let
him mouth tease her
breasts through her bra, waiting until the last moment to move the fabric down. Her hands rested on the back
of his
head and she watched
him, gasping when his lips touched her breasts.
His lips continued
to move down, touching her stomach, her hips. His head moved up her body, his lips crashing against hers.
With one move, he
ripped her panties off her body.
She kissed him back
slightly. Awkward, hesitant kisses.
And with one move,
he forced his way inside her.
Cordelia gasped
loudly, her hand rushing to Angel's lower back and
pushing him in
further. He stared at her, a bit surprised at her motion. She spread her legs more, urging him on. He sighed
and kissed her,
his hips moving back and forth. She kissed him back, her other
hand resting on the
side of his face. His mouth moved down to her neck as he continued to move himself inside her. Feeling her.
She closed her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Angel..." She whispered, her voice
shaking.
He stopped moving,
and she looked down at him. His hand shot to her
wrist and he forced
her arm to the carpet, pinning half of her body to the floor. He started to thrust harder, burying his face
in her
neck. She cried out
in surprise, her right hand clutching his lower
back tightly, and
her nails digging into the skin. His hand wound behind his back, grabbing her wrist tightly until she let go.
He
brought her arm to
the floor, holding it down.
Angel continued to
thrust into Cordelia, each thrust firm. His eyes
closed and he tried
to forget everything. The pain. The hurt. The fear. Pleasure filled his body as he felt her tighten around
him and
he let out a moan.
She relaxed under him slowly, her breathing becoming
uneven and her back arching and pushing her chest against his. He moaned again, louder this time. It wasn't perfect,
but it was something.
And then he saw
Connor's face.
He saw Connor on top
of Cordelia, doing what he was doing at that
moment.
And he couldn't take
it.
His thrusts got
harder and rougher each time. Each time he saw
Connor. Each time he
saw Cordelia. Together. In the same bed. Together.
The feelings came
back.
And he forced
himself into her more. She inhaled sharply, stiffening
against him. He
thrust harder, pushing her further into the floor. She let out a cry as her back scratched against the carpet.
He knew
her skin was being
cut, and he didn't care. He pushed, each time
rougher than the
last, and squeezed her wrists. He stared at her face, changing between pain and pleasure.
With one swift move,
he plunged deeply into her, and she let out a
high moan. He
slammed his mouth onto hers, his hips driving himself further into her. She cried against his mouth, her neck
arching and he
tried to keep his mouth on hers. He assaulted her lips, pressing
his mouth on hers
violently. She cried out again, the yell escaping their kiss, and he pushed more brutally.
"Stop
crying..." He pleaded with her desperately, kissing her cheek.
Her mouth. Her chin.
Her mouth closed tightly as he continued to move inside
her.
His thrusting became
more brutal. He wanted to forget everything. As
long as he had this
feeling, he could forget. Pleasure coursed through him and he continued kissing Cordelia. She finally
kissed him back
with the same relish he had. She moved with him.
At last.
He moved faster.
Harder. Rougher. Her back continued to rub against
the carpet, but she
didn't cry out. She just moved. He felt the pleasure building. Rising. Over and over. He breathed harder,
however needlessly.
He thrust his pain into her. He thrust his confusion and
sadness into her.
And she took it all
willingly.
He groaned as more
pleasure filled him. He neared the edge as he
moved his hips
faster. She breathed deeply as he moved harder. She felt his body tensing up as he started to climax. He pulled
out and
slammed into her one
last time as he exploded inside her.
Angel collapsed on
top of Cordelia, letting go of her wrists. Both
breathed hard. He
rolled off her, lying on his side, his back to her. She kept gasping, staring at the ceiling.
He sat up slowly,
grabbing his shirt and putting it on with unsteady
hands. He gripped
the edge of the bed for support as he lifted himself to his feet.
He walked away from
her.
She felt around for
her torn dress, bringing it to her side. After a
moment, she sat up
and wrapped the dress around her body. Her eyes fixed on his form.
Her back burned
and she was cold.
"Sorry."
She closed her eyes.
"Don't be. Please."
He sighed shakily,
his knuckles tapping his leg slightly. His eyes
remained on the
floor in shame. "I shouldn't..." He looked at her.
"You should go." She nodded, climbing to her feet. "Your...your
room. It has your
clothes. Some of it. I'll pay for the dress."
Cordelia shook her
head. "It's okay." She walked past him, her head
lowered. She felt
his eyes on her. Watching her. Her hand gripped the doorknob tightly, and his hand dropped on hers. She stiffened noticeably.
"I'm
sorry." He whispered. "For this."
"Me too."
She replied, her voice shaking. Her back burned more than
ever. She stared at
his hand, blinking back tears.
Angel quickly
removed his hand from hers, and she opened the door. He
started to walk
away, but stopped when he felt her eyes on his back. They burned into him.
"I'm sorry,
Angel."
"I know."
He whispered.
She was gone.
He lowered himself
to his bed, burying his face in his hands. Tears
welled in his eyes.
And he desperately tried to wipe them away.
They burned.
Contact Lara