Burn by Lara
Period: Post RoF/Habeas Corpses. Ahhh, the material.
Spoilers: Rain of Fire, Habeas Corpses.
Note #1: Dark. Surprise!
Note #2: You might notice the lack of "the vampire", "the Seer", "the Champion", etc. For this fic, Angel and Cordelia are just that. Angel and Cordelia.
Summary: Angel. Cordelia. Talk. Sex. Aftermath.
Distribution: Anywhere. Just tell me where.
closed her eyes, her fist frozen midair. A part of her was
seconds away from
running from his door and down the stairs and away from him and the inevitable confrontation. But the stubborn
her continued to
stand there, silently trying to keep all of her pre-
coherent and in her head. Now all she had to do was remain hopeful Angel wouldn't talk. At all.
Of course he would.
And of course she would forget the whole thing.
Cordelia Chase wasn't good with apologies. She tried to avoid them as much as possible. But now, now she would have to. Sleeping with the son of the man you love is damn near unforgivable. She still had a slither of optimism for forgiveness, though. And if those Maury shows were right, anything was forgivable as long as no lie detectors were involved.
But the straightforward "Get the hell out" he delivered showed her he wasn't in a forgiving mood.
None of that mattered anyway. Not the doubt. Not the fear. And definitely not the pain. It was now or never.
She inhaled slowly, and then brought her fist against the thick wood of the door. Once, then twice. Her knock.
She heard movement on the other side. Steps, then nothing. She took this moment to smooth down her wine-colored dress and fix the string that wrapped one half of the dress to the other. The long sleeves were tugged over her wrists, and the knee length bottom half was tugged. Her dark hair was smoothed down and her high heels were quickly inspected for scuffmarks. There were none. She was perfect.
So she knocked again.
"Go away, Cordelia."
And that was her clue to walk in.
Angel looked at her incredulously, his face saying exactly what he must've been thinking: `I cannot fucking believe you'. He was dressed as she expected. Thin black sweater, black pants, black shoes. The usual.
"Hi." She said simply. He crossed his arms, staring at her silently. She closed the door with the least amount of noise she could manage, and then faced him. "I thought you would be- Gunn let me up." His arms uncrossed and were dropped to his side. "He said you were up here."
"I told him I wanted privacy."
"Oh. Too bad?" She waited for his answer, and got none. Time to try again. "How are you?"
His posture stiffened. "How do you think."
Her gaze hit the floor. "Fair enough..."
He shook his head, walking away from her. "Get out, Cordelia." His back was to her now, and he was a little bit too interested on the book resting on it. She didn't move, and he spun around abruptly. An aggravated one replaced his previously blank look. "WHAT did I say, Cordelia?"
Her stance nearly made Angel sick. It resembled Connor in every way. Head up, lips tightly pursed, eyes directly on his. Her eyes burning into him. And noncompliant as all hell. He crossed his arms, and she crossed hers in return. For a moment, they both seemed to be sizing each other up. Everything from the shoes, to the clothes, to the hair, to the height.
Cordelia bit her bottom lip slightly, just enough for Angel to notice. Her straight, white teeth nipped at the soft skin, leaving temporary pinkish reminders. "I'm not going anywhere, Angel."
"Why not." Came his quick reply.
"We need to talk."
He laughed slightly. Bitterly. His arms uncrossed as he started to gesture nonchalantly. "Talk? Talk about what? We have nothing to talk about." She opened her mouth, and he gave her a fixed, hard stare, his arms dropping to his side. "No."
Her arms uncrossed, and her hands were slowly placed on her hips. He wasn't sure if the slowness was to irritate him or not. He realized he didn't really care. Her presence annoyed him enough. "Angel."
"I am not-"
"You WILL." She snapped. His eyes registered surprise, and then narrowed. She stepped forward. One step. "You will talk about this with me, Angel! I thought we were all about communication and respect."
"That went out the window when you fucked my son, Cordelia."
Cordelia closed her eyes painfully for a mere moment, and then looked at him again. "Angel. Please. What happened...I need to tell you my side and you need to hear it. You of all people should give me a chance to explain myself."
He blinked. "Me of all people? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You know what it means. You've fucked me over far more than I have you, remember?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa-" It was his turn to take a step forward. "What you did kind of negates anything and everything I have ever done to you, you know that, Cordelia? He is my SON. And YOU said you loved me" She opened her mouth to speak, and he held a hand up, silencing her. He moved one step closer. "You- you told me you loved me and wanted me and you couldn't- you told me you couldn't and then you slept with my SON." He glared at her fiercely. "You slept with my SON while the sky was raining FIRE. Did you even give a damn if I was alive? Did you even care-"
"Why didn't you tell me you loved me?" She asked suddenly. He stopped in his tracks, his mouth closing. "I guess the real question is, do you love me?" Her eyes lowered, no longer on his face. She stared at his chest, her face swiftly showing just how tired she really was. "Do you."
Angel's hand was brought to his eyes. He rubbed them roughly. "You know the answer."
She sighed shakily. "No. No...I really don't."
He glanced at her face and felt something stir in him. It was neither sexual nor loving. It was something else. Guilt. Maybe pity. Her face burned into his soul. Her features were filled with an extreme sorrow. Her eyes had dropped to the floor and her shoulders had slumped. It was the first time he had seen her look so lost. Lonely. Insecure. He sighed. "You know."
She nodded quickly, her head bobbing up and down in an almost animated way. "Yeah. I do."
Silence filled the room as the two stood, no more than eight feet away from each other. He stared at the wall behind her, and she kept her eyes on the floor. The clock on his table clicked, and cars raced below the closed window on the street, making loud whoosh sounds as they made their way to their destinations.
Angel's right hand clenched and unclenched, while Cordelia's teeth pinched at her bottom lip again. Finally, he spoke. "Are you done?"
Her head jerked up and she stared at him, looking as if he awoke her from a deep sleep. "Huh?"
"Are. We. Done."
Cordelia exhaled slowly, moving toward him. "Angel...please. Let's just talk without the arguing and all that smartass bullshit. Okay?"
"Why did you do it."
She stopped in her tracks, less than a foot away. "I...I was confused. Afraid."
"And you couldn't come to me?"
She shook her head. "You wouldn't have understood. You left me. You left both of us. Alone."
He raised his hands, waving them in front of his chest. "No. No, no, no- you can't pull that, Cordelia. That is NO excuse."
He looked at her face, unsure if he heard right. "What?"
"I know." She repeated. Quicker.
The hard look in Angel's eyes nearly disappeared, replaced by a sad one. "Then why?" He asked quietly.
Her hazel eyes hit the floor one more, burning into the wood. "I don't know, Angel. It was...the memory and the loss and the vision...it was too much. And Connor- God," Her eyes lifted, meeting his. "He was so scared, Angel. He was scared and his life was so messed up and I had nothing to offer him except..." She trailed off, shaking her head. There went her speech. "It's no excuse."
"You hurt me."
"You really hurt me." His face lowered, and she could hear his voice begin to shake. In rage. "You hurt me." Not rage. Hurt. Definitely pain.
Her heart broke in a thousand pieces.
Cordelia frowned. "Angel..." He lifted his head to look at her and she moved her left hand towards his face. He grabbed her wrist, holding it tightly. The impact of his hand hitting her skin was enough to sting and send a loud smack echoing through the room. She flinched, trying to retract her hand. After a moment, he let go and walked away from her. She stared at his retreating back, guilt filling her soul. "Angel."
Angel was now shuffling through the books on his nightstand. He cleared his throat several times before speaking. "You should go, Cordelia." He muttered, his voice void of emotion.
The palm of her left enveloped the fingers on her right hand and she squeezed and twisted the skin. "Angel, I...I..." Her chin trembled slightly as her emotions threatened to bubble over. She had no idea his voice could do something like that to her. It wasn't even his voice. It was the intent behind it.
I don't care, Cordelia.
I don't want to talk to you, Cordelia.
I don't want to look at you, Cordelia.
I don't need you, Cordelia.
He turned his head slightly. "Go."
"What can I do?" She asked suddenly, her voice quivering with desperation. "How can I make it better? I want it to be better, Angel. What can I do?" She wiped her eyes roughly. "I'll do anything. Anything."
He shook his head, his gaze returning to the table. "There's nothing you can do, Cordelia." He could hear her stepping towards him. He could hear her heart beating. Racing. He could hear her uneven breaths. He spun around, and she was three inches away from him. "Nothing."
Cordelia looked up at him, her eyes glassy. "There has to be something. Please." She moved her hand up again, and he pushed it away with the back of his hand. She lowered her head in defeat. "Angel."
Angel closed his eyes, trying to stop the pain. Trying desperately to stop that goddamn pain that was threatening to come to the surface and destroy all the strength he struggled to keep. He couldn't do it anymore. And he didn't know how to handle it. His eyes opened. "Get. Out."
She made an attempt to answer him. All that came out was a squeak. A low, pitiful squeak. She shook her head as her chin trembled. He kept his eyes off her, focusing on the wall behind her. His toe started to tap on the floor, striving to keep his mind off everything that was going on. Before he could react, her hand had touched the side of his face.
He nearly panicked. "Cor- stop-" She tilted her head up, and her mouth met his in a slow, sad kiss. He froze, not responding. She pulled away, staring at him. "Why."
"Why what?" She whispered despondently.
"Why did you do that?"
Cordelia made a slight shrugging motion, or what should've been a shrug. The slight, sudden jerk of her shoulders made him wonder if she meant to do that, or if it were an involuntary reaction. "I...I..." She kissed him again. He pulled away, staring at her. Her lips made the pain even fiercer. It just wouldn't stop. She exhaled shakily, looking into his eyes. Her hand stroked his face gently, as her face seemed to show a sense of helplessness. "Let me give you something that's real, Angel. I can make the pain go away."
Angel stared at her, uncertain of what to say. Or do. "Cordelia."
"I can make everything okay, Angel." She pleaded in a whisper, her face clearly showing her desperation. "Let me. I can. I promise."
He felt everything crumble around him. Seeing her so vulnerable made him upset. Angry. Sad. "No."
She pulled away hastily, nodding. "Yeah. Right." She forced a bright smile. "I'm so...why would you- how could I- yeah. I'm leaving." She spun on her heels are rushed towards his door. "Sorry."
Angel watched Cordelia make her escape. She was leaving him again. She couldn't make it better. He followed her and grabbed her arm, swinging her around. They locked eyes as she stared at him questioningly. "Angel?"
He slowly nodded, his face grim. "Okay." His lips crashed against hers, his hand moving up her body to the back of her neck, forcing her mouth onto his more. Her lips burned. She stood there stiffly. He moved his mouth away, looking at her. "What."
She gazed at him sadly. He shook his head and forced his mouth on hers yet again. His body pushed her towards his unmade bed. Her legs slammed into the bed and she toppled onto it into a seated position. She looked up at him standing over her, her legs open, but her knees tightly together. Her eyes asked him what he was going to do.
He showed her.
Angel's hands moved across Cordelia's thighs to her knees and he jerked her legs open, his mouth finding hers once more. He climbed on top of her, forcing her to the bed. His mouth attacked her lips, then her neck as his hands pulled her dress up her legs. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. His head moved up, catching her eyes. He kissed her hard, almost forcing her to kiss him back.
Cordelia started to sit up and he moved up with her, his mouth continuing to work on her lips. She kept going until he was off the bed. And her. He felt her hands push him away and he grabbed her arm, flinging her off the bed to the floor. She hit the ground hard, the skin on her hands scrapping on the carpet.
She could hear him walking towards her and she blinked back tears. His large hand was gripping her arm again, and he threw her onto her back. She got a good look at the ceiling as he climbed on top of her. His hands pulled her legs apart, and he lowered his body on hers.
He was kissing her again.
But he was suddenly gentle.
His mouth was soft on hers, his tongue teasing her slightly. His hand roamed up her leg to her hip. She pulled up his sweater as quick as she could, and he removed his mouth from hers so she could do away with his shirt. The black sweater was thrown to the ground and his mouth was placed back on hers. Her hand undid the button on his pants and moved toward the zipper.
His kisses became more and more desperate as his hands traveled over her body. He wanted her to react to him. A genuine reaction. Not a kiss to help him out. He wanted her to feel that fire. That emotion. She wasn't.
Angel's hands grazed past Cordelia's breasts, and with one move, pulled open her dress from the top. She gasped slightly, her body stiffening. He gazed at her black bra for a moment before dropping his head down to her collarbone, kissing it. He yanked the dress from her body. It ripped a bit, the shredding of material becoming the loudest noise in the nearly silent room. The new dress was tossed to the side as he bit her skin softly, his hands running down her body.
His mouth moved down her chest, kissing her soft skin gently. He let him mouth tease her breasts through her bra, waiting until the last moment to move the fabric down. Her hands rested on the back of his head and she watched him, gasping when his lips touched her breasts. His lips continued to move down, touching her stomach, her hips. His head moved up her body, his lips crashing against hers.
With one move, he ripped her panties off her body.
She kissed him back slightly. Awkward, hesitant kisses.
And with one move, he forced his way inside her.
Cordelia gasped loudly, her hand rushing to Angel's lower back and pushing him in further. He stared at her, a bit surprised at her motion. She spread her legs more, urging him on. He sighed and kissed her, his hips moving back and forth. She kissed him back, her other hand resting on the side of his face. His mouth moved down to her neck as he continued to move himself inside her. Feeling her.
She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, Angel..." She whispered, her voice shaking.
He stopped moving, and she looked down at him. His hand shot to her wrist and he forced her arm to the carpet, pinning half of her body to the floor. He started to thrust harder, burying his face in her neck. She cried out in surprise, her right hand clutching his lower back tightly, and her nails digging into the skin. His hand wound behind his back, grabbing her wrist tightly until she let go. He brought her arm to the floor, holding it down.
Angel continued to thrust into Cordelia, each thrust firm. His eyes closed and he tried to forget everything. The pain. The hurt. The fear. Pleasure filled his body as he felt her tighten around him and he let out a moan. She relaxed under him slowly, her breathing becoming uneven and her back arching and pushing her chest against his. He moaned again, louder this time. It wasn't perfect, but it was something.
And then he saw Connor's face.
He saw Connor on top of Cordelia, doing what he was doing at that moment.
And he couldn't take it.
His thrusts got harder and rougher each time. Each time he saw Connor. Each time he saw Cordelia. Together. In the same bed. Together.
The feelings came back.
And he forced himself into her more. She inhaled sharply, stiffening against him. He thrust harder, pushing her further into the floor. She let out a cry as her back scratched against the carpet. He knew her skin was being cut, and he didn't care. He pushed, each time rougher than the last, and squeezed her wrists. He stared at her face, changing between pain and pleasure.
With one swift move, he plunged deeply into her, and she let out a high moan. He slammed his mouth onto hers, his hips driving himself further into her. She cried against his mouth, her neck arching and he tried to keep his mouth on hers. He assaulted her lips, pressing his mouth on hers violently. She cried out again, the yell escaping their kiss, and he pushed more brutally.
"Stop crying..." He pleaded with her desperately, kissing her cheek. Her mouth. Her chin. Her mouth closed tightly as he continued to move inside her.
His thrusting became more brutal. He wanted to forget everything. As long as he had this feeling, he could forget. Pleasure coursed through him and he continued kissing Cordelia. She finally kissed him back with the same relish he had. She moved with him.
He moved faster. Harder. Rougher. Her back continued to rub against the carpet, but she didn't cry out. She just moved. He felt the pleasure building. Rising. Over and over. He breathed harder, however needlessly. He thrust his pain into her. He thrust his confusion and sadness into her.
And she took it all willingly.
He groaned as more pleasure filled him. He neared the edge as he moved his hips faster. She breathed deeply as he moved harder. She felt his body tensing up as he started to climax. He pulled out and slammed into her one last time as he exploded inside her.
Angel collapsed on top of Cordelia, letting go of her wrists. Both breathed hard. He rolled off her, lying on his side, his back to her. She kept gasping, staring at the ceiling.
He sat up slowly, grabbing his shirt and putting it on with unsteady hands. He gripped the edge of the bed for support as he lifted himself to his feet.
He walked away from her.
She felt around for her torn dress, bringing it to her side. After a moment, she sat up and wrapped the dress around her body. Her eyes fixed on his form.
Her back burned
and she was cold.
She closed her eyes. "Don't be. Please."
He sighed shakily, his knuckles tapping his leg slightly. His eyes remained on the floor in shame. "I shouldn't..." He looked at her. "You should go." She nodded, climbing to her feet. "Your...your room. It has your clothes. Some of it. I'll pay for the dress."
Cordelia shook her head. "It's okay." She walked past him, her head lowered. She felt his eyes on her. Watching her. Her hand gripped the doorknob tightly, and his hand dropped on hers. She stiffened noticeably.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "For this."
"Me too." She replied, her voice shaking. Her back burned more than ever. She stared at his hand, blinking back tears.
Angel quickly removed his hand from hers, and she opened the door. He started to walk away, but stopped when he felt her eyes on his back. They burned into him.
"I'm sorry, Angel."
"I know." He whispered.
She was gone.
He lowered himself to his bed, burying his face in his hands. Tears welled in his eyes. And he desperately tried to wipe them away.