Because I Love You by T.C.
Summary: Cordelia contemplates a major part of her relationship with Angel.
Spoilers: Orpheus, Season Four.
knew just where to kiss her to make Cordelia's breath stop. When he pressed his lips, warm from the friction
of previous kisses, to the small of her back she let out a hitched gasp and
for a moment she could not draw air into her lungs. Then his tongue
caressed the spot his lips just left, licking the sun/moon tattoo
she had gotten just after Doyle had died and her breath started again
with a soft moan. She had never told Angel that she had thought of
him when she had picked it out and the tattoo artist had repeatedly
picked at her skin with the needle. That to her it was a
representation of them - their friendship, partnership, and now their love. She
felt Angel rest his head on her hip and she reached down to run
her fingers through his hair. With a gentle, playful tug on his
spiky locks, Cordelia drew him up to her. While they kissed she
turned so that she was underneath him. She liked feeling his weight on top
her. She let her hands play down his back, tracing the delicate
contours of his spine and the hard muscles that surrounded it. She
wanted to feel him inside of her.
"Angel," Cordelia gasped into his mouth as he thrust into her and she wrapped her legs around him. Making love with Angel was perfect. With her past lovers, something had always been missing, but with Angel she felt complete. He knew exactly where and how to touch her to make her feel incredibly sexy and adored. He moved away from her mouth as he kissed his way across her jaw and down her throat. She felt the ridges form over his brow and forced herself to relax. She let her head fall to the side to give him better access.
Angel was a vampire. Cordelia knew that going into the relationship. They had been through a lot together and she knew he was more than just fangs and a craving for blood and redemption. He had a strong, compassionate soul and a sense of duty that was sometimes self-destructive. His old fashioned chivalrous nature was sweet and annoying at the same time. She loved these things about him. She loved everything about him. She reminded herself of this every time he bit her.
The first time they had made love, they had been nervous and afraid of the consequences. Despite the fact that they had researched Willow's claim that she had restored Angel's soul the second time permanently in every way possible and had confirmed it, they were still wary. But soon passion and need had overwhelmed them and before she could fully process everything, Cordelia had been in throes of an orgasm and Angel had sunk his fangs into her throat. He had been sorry afterwards, of course. He had apologized and promised that it would never happen again because he would control himself. She had held him and told him it was okay. She loved him. When she had looked into his eyes she had seen a desperate need for acceptance. He needed her to accept as a man and a vampire. She lied. She told him that he didn't need to control himself or hold anything back when he was with her. She loved him.
Cordelia closed her eyes and waited. She cradled Angel's head in her hands. His fangs pierced her skin as gently as possible. It still hurt. It still made her recall the time Darla had savagely ripped her throat open and almost killed her. She bit her lip to keep the whimper of pain from reaching Angel's ears and waited until agony subsided enough for her to turn the sound into a cry of excitement. The harsh suction that pulled her blood into his mouth was excruciating. Cordelia pulled at Angel's hair and dug her fingernails into his scalp, hoping that he mistook her actions for passion. Finally he finished and his fangs retracted. His tongue lapped at the wound and as the pain receded, Cordelia could feel her desire return. Angel had a very talented tongue and it didn't take long for both of them to reach the pinnacle of ecstasy.
After she kissed him. She could taste the sharp metallic residue of her blood in his saliva. It wasn't any worse than when she sucked at a paper cut on her finger. "I love you," she whispered.
"I love you." Angel smiled at her. She held him against her and buried her head in his chest. She had thought she would get used to it. She had thought that it would only hurt the first time. She couldn't tell Angel that she didn't like it when he bit her. That it didn't matter where - her neck, breast, thigh - it still hurt. She would continue to fake pleasure when he sucked her blood. It made their love making complete for him and she couldn't take that away. It would be her secret that a very small part of her heart quivered with fear and pain when they made love. She loved everything about him, even the parts that hurt her.